Lets start a fire, biggest one you've ever seen...

0266 - Posting To Remember Feeling The Ache Of A Total Emotional And Mental Drain

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 10:46:40 GMT

Fucking Dexter. Jesus fucking christ, man. I can't even fucking think.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK DUDE SERIOUSLY ARRRGHGJSFHDLGJKLGRJVBTRBHUGSB

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0265 - Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 09:23:47 GMT

Still depressed. There seems to be no progress with the legal team handling our case, we've heard nothing from disability, and it looks like my mother's christmas bonus is all going to rent. She's going to try to go back to work, don't really know how that's going to pan out.

I can deal with the fact that I will have to get rides to work throughout the duration of the coming winter and the storms it will bring, continuing the seemingly endless cycle of being denied my independence. I can deal with the fact that christmas is going to be just another day devoid of meaning considering we can't even afford groceries and rent on our own. I can even deal, as hard as it may be, with the fact that my progress in life has not only stopped, but been put in reverse. But I am still not able to deal with the loss the one thing that symbolized my freedom, my reward for persevering for 8 years of empty slave-like routine, and the ability to provide myself with that better life that I finally ached for - my very first and probably the nicest car I will ever own. No four digit combination of numbers on a check I am handed will ever make up for that.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0264 - Why I Have Been Absent.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:58:01 GMT

Life is currently a shitstorm of depression, insomnia, poor eating habits and - I suppose due to the fact that I couldn't care less about any of that - apathy. Someday soon perhaps I'll elaborate on whats gotten me to this point, but we'll just say that life as I knew it a little over a month ago is gone. Those of you who do know what's ailing me, thanks for all your support. Might not be updating this for a while.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0263 - Fight God Club LOLOLOLOL

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:08:21 GMT

Man, I see in non-theists the strongest and smartest men who have ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. Goddammit, entire generations going to church, praying for forgiveness, mental slaves with no direction. Religion has them preaching about 'hell' and 'sin', having tax-exempt status so they can buy shit they don't need. They're the misanthropes of history, man; no purpose or place. They have no great minds, no great achievements. Their great minds believe God will solve it all. Their great achievements are their lies... We've all been raised by our parents to believe that they'd be loving and tolerant and Christ-like. But they won't; and we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0262 - "Love Of Two Is One - Here But Now They're Gone"

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:40:51 GMT

Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear she couldn't go on
Then the door was open and the wind appeared
The candles blew, then disappeared
The curtains flew, then he appeared
Saying don't be afraid

Come on baby
And she had no fear
And she ran to him
Then they started to fly
They looked backward and said goodbye
She had become like they are
She had taken his hand
She had become like they are

Come on baby, don't fear the reaper

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0261 - lolobamagotanobelprizewut?

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 21:06:29 GMT

A crippled, fake summer came and went practically in a matter of weeks, and now it's time to endure the ridiculous gauntlet of harsh fall winds and endless gray winter skies. Bitching about it really won't change anything, but I can't help it.

I dread this time of year to no end, and in fact had to start clinging to Christmas as a kind of half-way point milestone event between the pure torment of what I like to call WINTUMN, and the calming Sun-worshipper friendly weather of what I also enjoy calling SPRUMMER. It isn't because I have to ride my bike to work during Wintumn and thus need someone else for a ride during the worst of it, because that's being taken care of once and for all. I will probably have my license by mid-December, with enough practice. It isn't because Wintumn is filled with holidays that I have no family to celebrate them with. It isn't because Wintumn makes things extremely busy at work, I actually enjoy that for a change.

It's because, for some reason, one of the major contributing factors to my mood from day to day is the weather (some of the others are what my hair looks like, the moods of those around me, and what music I listen to). If the weather is kind to me and let's me worship the closest thing to a higher power my almost total lack of spirituality can find, then I'm great. But if it's BULLSHIT weather that helps to prevent from me from doing that, then there's a problem and I kinda throw mental temper tantrums. And yes, I associate bright skies, the Sun being out until 8PM, warm nights, and nimbus clouds with good weather, and associate overcast (gray skies without rain), cold winds, dirt and dead leaf particles being thrust violently into my face, and the fucking Sun setting at 5PM with bullshit weather. I apologize to the lovely Tinaviel in advance for this, but to quote the prophetic one Lewis Black, "The fall is finally here and all I can say is, 'FUCK FALL.'"

That being said, I AM looking forward to the rain, but that's just it - we won't fucking get any. We never get much, it rains poorly once every two weeks for a couple days, and then nothing. I love the atmosphere of rain, the idea that water falls from the sky is just too fascinating. I assume I'd feel the same if anything did that. Fire or candy bars or beavers or Dallas Cowboy jerseys, for instance. Well, maybe not George Bush's toe-nail clippings... Yeah, definitely not that. Or bodily fluids. You know the one I'm thinking of. =(

/pissingandmoaning

I've been on a bit of an astronomy binge lately. Learning about how it was discovered that Pluto wasn't really a planet and was demoted, hearing all these incredible facts about how terrifying and beautiful the cosmos is, and most importantly of all, knowing that all the core chemical elements that make up us as humans are the same core chemical elements that make up the rest of the universe makes me realize that if I had to pick a dream-profession, it would be astrophysicist. The concepts of intersecting black holes, and "dark matter" (of which we are completely ignorant to as a whole), and even crazier stuff like the multi-verse theory that multiple universe's gravitational forces are overlapping our own, which actually helps to explain what dark matter is... Is SO beyond satisfying to me. It's like my mind is getting nonstop blowjobs from the universe. I mean between Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson and Stephen Hawking, that's it. Hook me up with some PhDs already. I want to really start committing to science, and start being less of this sort of cheerleader on the sidelines. Nothing too huge, maybe I'll be the guy who gets the team Gatorade? Thanks to Breaking Bad, I now want a periodic table of the elements poster, and a map of the orbital patterns of the planets would be pretty bitchin' too.

The amount of 5-star metal albums being produced these days is kinda making my head spin. And we still have Katatonia - Night Is The New Day, Devin Townsend Project - Addicted, and To-Mera - Earthbound EP to sift through, all of which sound fucking beyond amazing from the samples their respective myspace pages provide. My Skeletonwitch - Breathing The Fire cd+shirt package arrived yesterday, and the shirt is really high quality print. The fiery colors turns out really vibrant, and I am thoroughly pleased. It also came with this sweet-ass logo patch! Now to find room for it on my vest, along with the Evile one I got some time ago. I also pre-ordered the Nile - Those Whom The Gods Detest and Scar Symmetry - Dark Matter Dimensions ones, the former of which won't be here until early November, and the latter of which should be here any day.

In gaming news, my new nVidia 250 GTS is ripping Crysis to shreds. That game is so fucking sweet. The alien ship level is probably going to become one of my all-time favorite levels from a video game. Anti-gravity, mind-blowingly intricate and unorthodox design, and choking/punching the shit out of asshole aliens = So. Much. Win. The nano-suit, the vehicles, the rad as fuck guns, THE GRAPHICS MY MACHINE CAN NOW RUN ON HIGH WITH PERFECT FRAME RATE, it all works seamlessly to make my balls tingle like I just rubbed IcyHot on 'em. Playing it on a 32" screen doesn't exactly hurt, either. Also, I'm still very much looking forward to Borderlands and Bioshock 2 which, if you haven't researched, I strongly suggest you look into. Last but not least, guess what iconic figures are making their return to the Nintendo universe in New Super Mario Bros. Wii? That's right, fuckers. The goddamn Koopa Kids. MY LEMMY'S BACK, BITCHES. Cannot wait to see some artwork/3-D renders of them, hopefully Nintendo won't blow it. Guess I'm keeping my Wii after all...?

Time to chug this coffee, ~~browse some 4chan,~~ play more Crysis, and then trek off to work to be a coffee slave. Merry Shredmas to all and to all shut the hell up.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0260 - It Can Be More Than One, Though.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 04:33:34 GMT

Meme time!

Post a picture in my comments that you think describes me when you think about what/who I am. No matter how surreal or plain. Give no written explanation. Just an image.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0259 - Bows Down To The Thrasher

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 07:11:13 GMT

For we who are about to die... salute you.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0258 - Phlegm For The Soul

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 22:11:40 GMT

Fuckin ay, it's been a month since I updated this poor neglected digital rant-a-thon. I guess Facebook really has been eating up all my time. Well that and the slew of new amazing metal albums. Pretty much makes me feel like this guy:

Let's go down the list, shall we?

Nile - Those Whom The Gods Detest: 9.0 Just when I had given up on Nile ever writing anything interesting ever again after In Their Darkened Shrines (yes, two albums of fail later) they come out of nowhere with this blistering hot onslaught of soul-shitting brutality. This album with ram spears through your balls and if you don't have any - ladies beware! - it will make you grow a set.
Immortal - All Shall Fall: 8.5 Having never been an aficionado of Immortal (or black metal, for that matter) I must say this album rules. Very memorable songs, never a dull moment, and the production aint half bad... for a black metal album.
Tenet - Sovereign: 7.5 Holy shit why did no one tell me the remaining members of SYL teamed up with classic Exodus vocalist Zetro? This is fucking amazing thrashy balls-out heavy metal. I would imagine the most efficient use of this album would come while chasing emo kids down in monster trucks while inhaling whiskey and steak.
Scar Symmetry - Dark Matter Dimensions: 9.5 My impressions on this should be obvious, as these guys are one of my favorite metal bands of all time. They just keep getting better, and this is no exception. Unlike their previous effort "Holographic Universe", there is not a single track on here I do not absolutely love. The new vocalists are fantastic, fuck the naysayers. It took two of them to replace Alvestam, but they hit the spot perfectly.
Revocation - Existence Is Futile: 8.0 Not as good as their debut "Empire Of The Obscene," but that's expected as that album was damn near perfect. Some of the best freshest death/thrash you are likely to hear for years to come.
Alice In Chains - Black Gives Way To Blue: 8.0 I am so glad this didn't suck. Speaks from the heart, and slowly rolls over you like the classic albums did a decade and a half ago. Alice is such a class act, and really, I can't fault them any longer for wanting to make more music together now that I see it isn't at all financially-motivated.
Megadeth - Endgame: 8.0 WOW. This is the fuckin' Megadave album we've been waiting for since we first heard snippets online of Kick The Chair so many years ago.
Municipal Waste - Massive Aggressive: 7.5 Again, not as good as their previous work "The Art Of Partying", but holy shit it's a vicious effort. As the title says, it's a much more aggressive approach to their usual style of crossover thrash.

As of yet unlistened to/unreleased and looking forward to:

Devin Townsend Project - Addicted
Katatonia - Night Is The New Day
Skeletonwitch - Breathing The Fire
Baroness - Blue Album
The Chasm - Farseeing the Paranormal Abysm

When not swimming in ecstasy from all the ridiculously high quality metal more than making up for the last year or more of stagnation, I've been enjoying my new XFX nVidia GeForce 250 1GB video card, which when couple with my beast of a machine runs Crysis on High at 60+fps. What's the longest you've waited to play a game you anticipated? I've waited OVER TWO FUCKING YEARS.

I am also feeling the last few lingering traces of the... whatever the fuck it was I had for the past couple days that gave me a fever of fucking 101. It's nice waking up thinking you're on fire from the multiple dreams you've just experienced with that recurring theme, and because your body temperature is in triple digits, yet you're shivering like a fucking vibrator on high. I haven't been truly SICKsick in years and years, so I am very glad that bullshit is over and my beefy immune system fought it off in a matter of a couple days. Now I can get back to my regular routine of 35-hour work weeks, piss-poor diet and sporadic sleeping pattern!

Also, a big thank you to everyone who showed concern over my mother's situation at work. She took the necessary steps, the situation's being handled, and for the most part things are looking up for her. She had a lot of support from her fellow employees and the wretched scumbag involved is THIS CLOSE to having his 18 years of service with the company disregarded and being terminated.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0257 - No Words.

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 08:23:48 GMT

My mother has been being sexually harassed heavily at work. For months. Verbally, and physically. And kept her mouth shut.

I do not believe I have ever truly felt rage until now. Pure, hateful rage.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0256 - Now That Words Can No Longer Elude Me...

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:01:26 GMT

You know folks, in my travels as a pessimist-turned-optimist, a happy-go-lucky fellow with a renewed sense of faith in humanity, I often get lost in the boredom of daily life in civilized 21st century America, and let most things slide. For instance, if I hear about some terrible news story, like a tragic school shooting or a bank robbery involving officers killed in the act of duty, I'll just chock it up to being just another unfortunate side-effect of living in a quote unquote free society.

But then I read a story like this, and I'm dragged back to reality, kicking and screaming.

It is then that I realize just what fucking depths of wretchedness human beings are capable of degenerating to. This kind of shit happens so often, this type of story. I, someone who does not look at newspapers or blogs hardly ever, who avoids television news like the plague, know of three specific stories like this I've seen or heard of in the past year or so. Whenever I hear about them, I always think the same thing. As soon as a certain number of details filter into my brain, I sort of imagine someone sitting down and saying to themselves, "You know, if I were to come up with the most vile fucked up news story imaginable, what would it be?"

How can it get any worse than that? How? How in the fuck can you top sexual torture for decades? Imagine it, if only for a moment. Imagine that is your life. From the age of 11, kidnapped and raped on probably a daily basis. Forced to father multiple offspring whom you have to watch be subjected to the same type of abuse as they themselves become your only human contact. Worst of all, this all happens while being locked up in worse conditions, in a more inhumane fashion, and for a longer period of time than the person doing this to you would ever be sentenced to in a court-of-law were he ever caught?

The kicker is that this scumbag piece of shit was talking to god through a box. What a fucking surprise. How could you have a tale of such unimaginably disgusting proportions without religion somehow playing its role. But I digress, as touching on that note any further will probably either make my head explode or my knuckles bleed.

I really hope if I ever complain about anything ever again that my memory will serve me well enough to remember this type of shit so I can slap the fuck out of myself. Reading that story, I feel so much more heartbroken than I ever have because of a woman's actions or words.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

P.S. To end on sort of a positive note, I wonder what Dexter would do with this fucker. Or Rorschach, for that matter.

0255 - "So If The Sky's About To Fall, I'll Still Be Up There Flying"

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 09:14:45 GMT

Something happened tonight that I did not expect. And it's kind of bothering me more than I should be letting it, but not in a sorrowful way. I'm kind of pissed off at myself.

I mask my contempt at work for her fairly well these days. Usually I get away with it, and sometimes I'll hear from other co-workers that she speaks negatively of me when I'm not there. This is a very good development.

Today she had a funeral to go to for her step-sister, and got her shift covered. I thought I wouldn't have to see her all day (I usually work with her most Mondays) and was working instead with some of my favorites. And then she came in... with her mother. Now, maybe I never mentioned this, but her mom is for all intents and purposes a Jesus freak. She even refers to herself as such, I think only partly in jest. But she and I got along well, maybe a little too well. She's just a very sweet, very geniune, very positive person, where Sam is almost entirely the opposite.

I occupied myself with cleaning out one of our fridges while she ordered, and suddenly her mom is behind me and I hear, "Is that my boy?" I turned around and greeted her with a smile, gave her the hug she made clear she wanted with her arms out-stretched, and then she kissed my cheek. She told me she missed me, and all that business.

Has this happened to anyone else? Is this shit common? Basically, whenever I see her mom now, she seems to pretend that we, her daughter and I, aren't broken up or something. And it usually has little affect on me, but tonight... It hit me pretty hard the rest of the night. I just kept thinking of all the bullshit, knowing full-well her mother knew probably none of it... That her daughter uses people for sex, and is one step away from being a full-blown nymphomaniac, that she's a closet racist, and that she basically wishes she was dead. I guess the reason it hit me the hardest is it reminded me of being told I was a bad boyfriend, despite my endless efforts at being the contrary, due to what she considers a lack of interest I expressed in her family in the THREE AND A HALF WEEKS WE WERE TOGETHER.

Don't get me wrong, I'm over her entirely and if given the opportunity would not continue our relationship no matter what. It's not so much that I miss her, it's that I miss having a girlfriend. When the times were good they were great, and now that they're gone, I'm left with a sample, a taste of what could be. And I want more.

I'm going to take my usual musical dosage (500mg of Threshold), try to sleep this off, and hope for the best. I just feel like decking myself. Get the fuck over it, you whiny little bitch.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0254 - Make Sure He Has Terminal Lung Cancer Beforehand, Though.

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 22:04:24 GMT

Greetings meatbags. If you've been wondering what the shit happened to me, I've been obsessed with some dumbass site called facebook for like 2 weeks now, shits retarded and junk. El oh el. I recently posted pictures of my vest (finally), if any of you are interested they are here:

Driving is going well. I have decided to name her Aidia, but given that she's black and has a giant ass I should have named her Shaniqua or Laquisha some shit. I'm almost ready to take her out onto busy streets, non-residential areas, that sort of thing. After I tackle that for a while, it will be freeway time. I'm actually more scared of driving around town than I am of being on the fucking freeway. That shit's simple, everybody goes fast, in a straight line, forever. The only way it could be bad is during rush hour, which I of course will avoid until I feel confident enough to not bash head-on into the myriad gangbang of dickholes and shitfucks out there.

District 9 and Inglorious Basterds are both beyond stellar film-making, and if you don't like them both, kill yourself. Also, Shadow Complex is one of the best games that will come out this year. It could best be described as Metroidal Gear Solid-vania.

Been watching a fucking awesome show on AMC called Breaking Bad, you may have heard of it when it won 2 Emmys based on a tiny 7 episode season of pure win. Now it's up for 5, and stars the dad from Malcolm In The Middle. Some of the best cinematography and writing in a show I've come across in years. Look it up, watch it, love it, and then go cook some meth with your old high school chem teacher. ???. Profit.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

P.S. Fuck

0252 - TWATWAFFLES UNITE!

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 05:29:45 GMT

First things first: Someone buy me this shirt right fucking now.

Holy hell life got awesome all of a sudden! Been pretty much hanging out with friends, getting caught in the middle of ridiculous shenanigans at In N Out, watching Smokin' Aces, and helping a co-worker move a few doors down.

Can I just say something? There is nothing like being around a few huge sweaty smelly WoW nerds to really make you hate humanity. The one plus was one of my other co-worker's brother was there to help, who was awesome, and sort of like a tamer version of my friend Bill before he cut his hair and trimmed his beard. But hey, I got free pizza, energy drinks, a wonderful afternoon summer workout and good conversation out of the whole deal, so I win.

Going on a hike tomorrow, following Tuesday by SEEING MEGHAN AGAIN AFTER LIKE 2 DAMN YEARS. We're picking up her parents from LAX, where I have never been... Should be mouthrapingly good fun! I think I may have scored us a tape adapter, which means I'm shoving Penn Radio down her throat for 2 or 3 hours. Libertarian atheist skeptics for life!

I'll have to take pics of my newly washed car, with brutal as fuck stickers applied to the bumper for maximum nerdy metallic madness. I really need to find more time to go driving, gotta get this shit done. I'm now at the phase where I not only want to drive more, I actually want to get my license asap so I can go wherever I want. This is kind of unprecedented. I guess I just love my car more than I could have imagined. What ever will I name her?

SAIL INTO BATTLE, GLORY AND METAL!

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0251 - This Absolutely Deserves It's Own Entry,

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:46:24 GMT

http://www.bustedtees.com/desmondismyconstant

Dear fucking lord I need that NOW.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0250 - Two Hundred And Fifty Fucking Posts. Wow.

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 06:44:47 GMT

Remember I mentioned needing more old school metal shirts? Well lucky fuckin' me, look what I won on eBay for 40 bucks.

6 metal shirts, all of which are small except for the Motorhead one which is large AND sleeveless, which is perfect for a co-worker of mine who loves them and wears sleeveless shirts all the time! They're all almost new, lightly worn, and are exactly what I wanted. I now have 2 Megadeth, 2 Iron Maiden, 2 Pantera, 1 Slayer and 1 Metallica shirt. I fucking win.

Helping not one but TWO co-workers both move on Friday. The things I do for women I wouldn't mind screwing... Lawlz.

Gotta kick up the driving into high gear (hur hur car puns) if I wanna meet my deadline of a month and a half to two months until I have my license. Summer needs to slow the fuck down, honestly!

Oh yeah, fuck sundays. That is all!

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0249 - Can You Tell This Is About Aviation?

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 21:11:19 GMT

Threshold - One Degree Down

No sense in admitting I’m weary from the wait
No sense in pretending that I’m pressing on the gate
No power in a promise that I can find the cause
All it takes are a few mistakes so how can I be sure?

What if I fall? What happens next?
What if my foundation was a thought out of context?
No power in a process that leaves me in the dark
So I’ll just go with what I know, it’s written on my heart

But though it’s late in the day

I know I’ll find my way soon
Show me a place in the sun
Cause somewhere on the journey is the strength to go on
So let the dark fade
Show me a break in the cloud
Cause every day I’m waiting brings me one degree down

No shame in admitting I feel a little scared
No sense in pretending that I’ll know before I’m there
No power in a promise with no authority
All it takes are a few mistakes before I’m lost at sea

But though it’s late in the day

I know I’ll find my way soon
Show me a place in the sun
Cause somewhere on the journey is the strength to go on
So let the dark fade
Show me a break in the cloud
Cause every day I’m waiting brings me one degree down

I feel this inclination leading me to doubt my destination
I used up all my patience all the time I waited at the station

I don’t want to break the sky
I’m not going to come back down
I don’t want to lose my mind
I’m too far gone to turn back now

I can’t avoid the feeling - maybe all the signs could be misleading?
With all my senses reeling when I saw my dreams all hit the ceiling

I don’t want to break the sky
I’m not going to come back down
I don’t want to lose my mind
I’m too far gone to turn back now

No need for reflecting on why it took so long
No need for rejecting this road I’m walking on
No point reminiscing on things I can’t repair
All it takes are a few good breaks and suddenly I’m there

But though it’s late in the day

I know I’ll find my way soon
Show me a place in the sun
Cause somewhere on the journey is the strength to go on
So let the dark fade
Show me a break in the cloud
Cause every day I’m waiting brings me one degree down

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0248 - "So Stop Getting Out Of Bed Every Night, Just Pee In A Closet - With Confidence!"

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:12:14 GMT

I apologize for my absence as of late, but life has been smothered in bullshit that I've now taken care of once and for all. Maybe one day I'll reveal in full here what exactly I'm talking about, since I never really spoke much of what went on with she and I. The "grieving" process is over, though I really hate to call it that, and I'm ready to focus my love and attention on the three most precious things to me at the moment: summer, metal, and my car.

I've been driving more, and I'm really enjoying it more than I ever thought I could. Maybe because I haven't had to interact much with other traffic, other drivers... But so far so good. I'm getting a really good handle on what my car is like, the acceleration and the turning, using the signals, checking mirrors, looking around, remaining focused. I'm gonna have it washed and detailed on the inside soon, so I can start pimping it the fuck out with stickers and other goofy shit. <3

Today should be fun. After nonstop horseshit at work, being dragged into 35 hour work weeks over and over, I finally have 3 days off instead of just 1. Today I think I'll spend the day doing laundry, cleaning my room, playing some Fallout 3, watching the extra shit on the Watchmen: Director's Cut (which by the way IS FUCKING PERFECT), maybe bike around town for a couple hours, and then hit up the mall with my mom when she gets off work. And who knows, I might even *gasp* BUY SOMETHING FOR MYSELF.

I need you guys' help. I need someone to help me locate S size Metallica, Slayer, or Iron Maiden shirts. I desperately need more old school metal attire, and no one seems to carry any of the above. For Metallica, any of the first four album covers should be good, along with this design from AJFA. For Slayer, Reign In Blood or South Of Heaven is really all I'm interested in. Iron Maiden, the Aces High design or the Run To The Hills one is good.

Here, enjoy this list of metal albums I'm super stoked for:

Aug 11 - Behemoth - Evangelion
Aug 28 - Municipal Waste - Massive Aggressive
Sep 09 - Ensiferum - From Afar
Sep 15 - Megadeth - Endgame
Sep 22 - Evile - Infected Nations
Sep 28 - Arch Enemy - The Root Of All Evil
Sep 29 - Alice In Chains - Black Gives Way To Blue
Sep 29 - Revocation - Existence Is Futile
Oct 10 - Scar Symmetry - Dark Matter Dimensions
Oct 23 - Hypocrisy - A Taste Of Extreme Divinity
Oct 27 - Katatonia - Night Is The New Day
Q4 09 - Devin Townsend - Addicted
Q1 10 - Nevermore - The Obsidian Conspiracy
TBA - Slayer - World Painted Blood

Someone help me name my car. She's black, has a nice big ass, and is a damn smooth ride. See, I was thinking of naming her after Warrel's girlfriend from Dreaming Neon Black since she IS a black Dodge Neon, but I'm ashamed to say I don't even know what her name was. So, if someone could help with that info I would totally award you some internets.

Until next time kiddies... Up the irons!

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

P.S. Been downright obsessed with this song and video for a good 4 days now. Never been a Depeche Mode fan, but that may change now? It seems like such a great idea for a song, it's a wonder it hasn't been done by now.

0247 - A Final Farewell.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 19:41:22 GMT

(I wasn't going to even bother, but I figured, what the hell.)

Subject: I hope someone shows this to you.

Thank you. I'm glad you "unfriended me on myspace" while I was gone, it was a nice laugh to come home to. Still avoiding any form of confrontation, I see. Still a weak, frail little child.

But really, thank you. I mean that. It is a weight off my shoulders, just one of many you've put there. At least now I won't have to put up with you in this digital world. If only I didn't have to tolerate you at work ever again... Listening to your horrible doll-like pull-chord phrases you spew out no matter what anyone says... Remembering all the lies and the temper tantrums and the mood swings and the gauntlet of torment you put me through as you avoid helping me no matter what station I'm on, but that would imply that you do your job in the first place... I'm also glad everyone notices what a shrill cunt you are to me on a daily basis, it helps make me feel very vindicated.

How ironic that, despite all the effort you put into being pretty on the outside, you don't have many opportunities to show everyone else what a genuinely bad person you are on the inside. I consider you now a moment of weakness in my life, that I couldn't see past the veil of bullshit. Despite what you said over and over, I should have known you could never really love me; you can't even love yourself.

While I myself am thankful to you, I would hope that in turn you would be thankful to me. Thankful for continuing to be the adult in the equation, and not uncover the truth about who you really are inside. If people had any clue at all about what you've done, and with whom it was done, they would know just as I do what a shallow, self-absorbed, insincere, immature, insane, racist, immoral waste of time you are.

So yes, again, thank you. And again, I do mean that. Thank you for showing me just what I need to avoid in women, what I will never allow myself to be put through again. Thank you for making my once mushy and sentimental heart indestructible, tempered through an avalanche of jagged memories and empty words. You are by far the worst girlfriend I could have ever imagined allowing myself to have.

~The Best Thing You Ever Had

Yup.

Nosce te ipsum,
~AIDS

0246 - Hey, I Got "P", So I'm Running With It.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 21:22:10 GMT

Leave me a comment and I will give you a letter. Then, go to your journal and post ten things you love starting with that letter. Give your friends letters, too.

Pain - something I absolutely feel must be part of a better understanding of your own humanity, and the humanity of everyone around you. Pain, both physical and mental, is one of the greatest tools your mind has to use for self-discovery and the advancement of one's progress in life.

Pendulum - a drum and bass band from Australia, featured in many amatuer Team Fortress 2 "How To Play The" videos. Their debut album Hold Your Colour is sheer perfection from beginning to end, and will always remind me of summer (the time of year I discovered them) and Team Fortress 2.

Penn & Teller - My absolute heroes. Debunkers of stupid bullshit. Cheerleaders for science, atheism, skepticism, and libertarianism. Performers of the Magic Bullet at their own Penn & Teller theater at the Rio in Las Vegas, NE. Badasses to the max.

Perfect Dark - One of the greatest console-based first-person-shooters in history, currently being brought to XBLA (XBox Live Arcade). One of my first gaming obsessions along with Super Mario RPG, and The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time.

Phoenix - The mythical bird that rises from its own ashes, and is presented as a symbol of grace, rebirth, and beauty. It also represents fire, the element I have always felt drawn to the strongest, and helps remind me that no matter what happens in life, you can begin anew. You can try again, you can be given a second chance, and in turn, can also give second chances. As such, it sort acts as a moral guide for me as well, reminding me that forgiveness and redemption are powerful ideas. How arbitrary, no?

Pie - A delicious desert that should always be consumed with no less than 8 fluid ounces of vitamin D milk. My favorite is, of course, chocolate cream.

Pink - My favorite color, along with red, yellow, orange, and white - warm colors. I have no idea why I like it more than a green or a purple or a red, I just know that I do.

Powerglove - A "video game metal" band from Boston, MA who won my heart for life when they included the battle music in their epic 8-minute Final Fantasy 2/5 medley which was also featured in Super Mario RPG during the quintessential battle with Final Fantasy-inspired boss Culex. They kick ass, take names, and continue searching for the princess, despite the fact that she is never in the right castle.

Pyro - My 4th highest played class in Team Fortress 2, behind the Demoman, Engineer, and Heavy. Speaking of which, I just found a level 100 Flare Gun the other day! Too bad I hate that weapon, and never fucking use it. We have yet to see a Meet The Pyro video which, along with the pink purse found in the respawn locker room, leaves many to believe that the Pyro is in fact a woman.

And last, but certainly not least:

"Vagina" - :D

~AIDS

0245 - My Michael Jackson Tribute.

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 19:37:46 GMT

It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it

Wisdom.

~AIDS

0244 - You Need To Know That You're In For The Fight Of Your Life.

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 08:16:55 GMT

I'll have you know
That I've become

Indestructible
Determination that is incorruptible
From the other side, a terror to behold
Annihilation will be unavoidable

Every broken enemy will know
That their opponent had to be invincible
Take a last look around while you're alive
I'm an indestructible master of war

~AIDS

0243 - CRY SOEM MOOOAAARRRR

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:46:22 GMT

Things I Want But Can't Afford Because I'm Saving Up To Fix My Teeth And Pay For Car Insurance:

TF2 Mousepad
(http://store.valvesoftware.com/productpages/accessories/product_TF2TeamMousepad.html)

TF2 Heavy lithograph
(http://store.valvesoftware.com/tf2/tf2-lithograph.heavy.html)

TF2 Reliable Excavation Demoltion coffee mug
(http://store.valvesoftware.com/tf2/tf2-mug.team.html)

The Sims 3
(http://www.gamespot.com/pc/strategy/thesims3/index.html)

Obscura - Cosmogenesis shirt
(http://shop.relapse.com/store/product.aspx?ProductID=31549)

Evile - Enter The Grave shirt
(http://www.earache.com/webstore/product_info.php/cPath/680/products_id/760)

Lost - DHARMA Swan Station shirt
(http://abctvstore.seenon.com/detail.php?p=100778&v=abctvstore_lost)

Lost - DHARMA Staff Station shirt
(http://abctvstore.seenon.com/detail.php?p=100082&v=abctvstore_lost)

Fucknuggets!

~AIDS

0242 - Amen.

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:03:04 GMT

The irony of religion is that because of its power to divert man to destructive courses, the world could actually come to an end.

The plain fact is, religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge having in key decisions made by religious people, by irrationalists, by those who would steer the ship of state not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken. George Bush prayed a lot about Iraq, but he didn't learn a lot about it.

Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction. Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Most people would think it's wonderful when someone says, "I'm willing, Lord! I'll do whatever you want me to do!" Except that, since there are no gods actually talking to us, that void is filled in by people with their own corruptions and limitations and agendas.

And anyone who tells you they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you don't. How can I be so sure? Because I don't know, and you do not possess mental powers that I do not. The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong.

This is why rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a horrible price.

If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. To do otherwise is to be an enabler, a mafia wife, for the true devils of extremism that draw their legitimacy from the billions of their fellow travelers. If the world does come to an end here, or wherever, or if it limps into the future, decimated by the effects of a religion-inspired nuclear terrorism, let's remember what the real problem was. We learned how to precipitate mass death before we got past the neurological disorder of wishing for it. That's it. Grow up or die.

~Bill Maher, Religulous

~AIDS

0241 - My body feels like I have severe boneitis.

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 07:33:23 GMT

You know, I talk about my job often, but sort of in passing and in a way that wouldn't let you know what I actually do for a living. Allow me to enlighten you; I work at a coffee shop. Actually, it's a corporation rivaling Starbucks as their number one competitor in the U.S., known as the Coffee Bean And Tea Leaf. I have been there for 6 and a half fucking years.

Before you fucking ask, no I'm not the goddamn manager, no I'm not a fucking supervisor, and no I don't really want to be for several reasons. Now, usually it's a pretty neat job, but sometimes it just unrelentingly gang-rapes my fucking will to live and I just wanna collapse and fall asleep or something equally awkward. Tonight was one of those nights. I just need a fucking better job, this shit kills my body. My whole lower body just dies after an 8 hour shift, especially if it's closing which I rarely do anymore. I mean, it is where I work with my girlfriend Sam, but I need to get the fuck out of there. Getting my license and going back to school is crucial, and I'm really glad I've started down the path of bettering myself.

I aced my permit test, by the way. My dad and I are gonna head up to the DMV probably Tuesday and get the title for my car put in my name, then I'll be practicing like no fucking tomorrow. I expect to be driving comfortably with a license in two months. And that's hopefully driving an hour or so a day when I work, and several hours when I'm off, every single day.

Hopefully going swimming tomorrow with Sam at our co-worker's boyfriend's grandmother's (WTF!?) place, who has a heated pool. The co-worker and her boyfriend are hopefully accompanying us... Skinny dipping anyone?

~AIDS